“The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination.” ― Marion Zimmer Bradley, The Fall of Atlantis

It's been a really great month. I've made some changes in my life and I am going to continue the trend of living a healthier, happier life.(shhhh, I am snacking on caramel popcorn) It has been 11 years since Chris was wounded. I have met some really amazing people along the way. I have tried to freely give to others that came behind me in hopes they would see that although life can change in an instant, it can still be full of love, forgiveness, hope and more. I have decided that I can no longer keep up with all the negative forces in the caregiver world. We do not want to be identified by what the war took from us, but by the way we held on tight and overcame every single thing that was thrown in our face or said we could/would never overcome.
I can stand before you and say I am deeply grateful that I married a man that never quit. I have heard people say he wasn't wounded enough. I heard people say he is too motivated. I have heard some pretty absurd things...Chris has stood tall and taken it and I am SO proud that he is my partner in life. After 20 years I am still madly in love with that man. 

We will hold on to those that have become our family and also choose to move forward in life. We all know that there will be bumps and you know we will always be here for you. 

I am changing my blog to focus on my family and being positive. 

I have started back to work and joined a GREAT team. I am looking forward to the future. I wish you all the very best in life. You deserve it. 

“The road that is built in hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination.”
― Marion Zimmer Bradley, The Fall of Atlantis

DAY 8, LOVE DOESNT SEE...

Day 8
As you can imagine our house is very busy with three girls. Chris and I have worked from the beginning to treat them as equals. As my younger daughters grow they have started to understand and see the differences with Lauren.
Lauren is a very typical teenage girl in many ways. Last night at the table she was being very sassy and saying some things that were rude. Faith and Sarah were hurt but it turned into me witnessing the love and understanding of our situation. Faith began to speak to her by saying that we are "Team Ayres" and she was in that team. Sarah told her that she was not to say anything else unless it was nice because that is how it should be. My girls are all kind, compassionate and loving and last night I was so proud of each of them. In the end Lauren decided to remain in "Team Ayres" and life was once again great, that is until this morning. But hey a mom can celebrate the small milestones in life, Right? Ha!

Faith shared this with me this morning. She wrote it and read it to Lauren.

Lauren;
Lauren is sweet and she is special to us. She is always there for our family and she is always brave and smart. She loves to love on people and she loves friends to hang out with. She loves to have fun with us a lot and that is why we love her to the moon and back. She sometimes thinks of things that she doesn't mean but we still love her.
Love Faith

Love, indeed does not count chromosomes. Lauren is just their sister and we are all Team Ayres.

Until tomorrow....be blessed.

Heart Conditions

21 days after Lauren was born we were able to bring her home. She was very sick although at the time we had no idea how truly sick she was. I remember having to show our neighbors through our window because the threat of infection could have taken her life. We made the choice to leave the Marine Corps when Lauren was 4 months old, as Chris' 1st enlistment was ending. We returned to Texas and at 4.5 months old we walked into Texas Children's Hospital where she had open heart surgery. She weighed only 8 pounds. I had no idea how I would be changed after May 12 1999. It was that day I witnessed a miracle.

The doctors had been working on her for 9 hours. We would get reports and then the nurse would disappear until it was time for the latest news. I was getting anxious as I didn't think it was going to take as long as it did. The nurse finally appeared and walked over to a private waiting room to unlock and open it. I felt my heart drop. I thought we were okay but the baby in the other operating room maybe wasn't doing so well. I watched her check in with them and then turn to me...I was NOT going in that room. You see I worked for many years in hospital ICU's and ER's and I knew what that room was for. It was there to bring you news that could only be shared in an intimate setting. I told her I was not going in there and she insisted that only Chris and I go and we needed to go now. I only remember her saying "we have done all we can" before my knees buckled and I began to weep. It was one of those pains you feel deep in your soul. I was screaming and then it hit me...I needed to pray.
She told us they were going to close her up and rush her to ICU so we could hold her as she passed on. When she left the room I ran out and yelled that everyone must come in now. I had everyone hold hands in a circle and I asked my father God to allow me more time with my precious angel. I remember telling God that he says in scripture:

"Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men."

It was only moments later the nurse returned knocking on the door. She said I don't know how but her heart is beating 12 beats a min. She said we must hurry and we rushed to her bedside. I held her foot for what felt like an eternity. I kept my faith that God would not take her. She had so much to offer this world and so much to teach me.

12 days...yes, 12... and she was home. She fought infection, she fought pain and she overcame. Today she is 15 years old and only goes every 18 months for cardiac check ups. She takes NO cardiac medication even though she has a mistrial and tricuspid leak. SHE IS MY MIRACLE!

To make things even more interesting our middle daughter, Faith, was born May 12th, 2004.

FACT:
Abnormalities of the cardiovascular system are common in Down syndrome. Approximately half of all infants born with Down syndrome have a heart defect. Many of these defects have serious implications and it is important to understand them and how they may affect the child so that appropriate medical treatment may be provided.

Lauren had one of the worst defects, AV Cushing Defect with a common valve. It should be mentioned that CAVSD is found in approximately one-third of babies who have Down syndrome, but it also occurs as an isolated abnormality.

October is DOWN SYNDROME AWARENESS MONTH!

October is here!
Many things happening this month but I can't let my chance to give extra love to my oldest daughter, Lauren.

October is
DOWN SYNDROME AWARENESS MONTH!! I will be sharing facts and pictures of my girl.

I found out I was pregnant in 1998. Chris and I were so excited because we were told that we could not have children without help. Long story short, we were expecting our first child after 2 years of marriage.
I quickly became sick and was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum.
That ended up being a blessing as I was released from the base doctors and sent to a local specialist.
I was 21 weeks pregnant and during our visit an ultrasound was done. Strangely, Chris noticed something unusual on the picture and the tech rushed out of the room to get the doctor. The next few months were nothing short of crazy as I was rushed to have an amniocentesis, genetic counseling, and bed rest. Five days after the amnio was done our phone rang. I watched Chris answer and in a matter of moments knew something was going on. He turned to me and said our baby is going to have Down Syndrome. Do you want to know the sex? I don't remember much after that because I couldn't catch my breath. I ran into the nursery and collapsed on the floor. I must have cried for a good hour. I remember thinking of all the possibilities of our baby. Now, I thought, those were all gone. I thought that there was no way I could be strong enough to care for a child that would be handicapped. What would she look like? What would our family say? Would my friends stick by my side?
(One thing I want you to know is the doctor had to offer us the option to terminate my pregnancy. In California is was the law. I had to make that decision in 2 days because 22 weeks was the cut off for termination. He did NOT want us to terminate)

I remember Chris walking in and kneeling down. He held me and then took my face in his hands. I remember exactly what he said to me because I knew at that moment I had chosen the right man to marry and that God had put us together for a reason. He said "Renee, that is our baby you have there and your crying is stressing her out. We are going to do this together. We have no idea what this will look like but she will be loved and I love you"

I got off the floor and we called our family and shared with our friends. I can tell you now that all those things I worried about never came true. Our family was there for us. My beautiful Marine Corps family supported us like they always had and we went head first into all the information there was about Down Syndrome.

Remember how I said I had no idea what she would look like? Well, a few weeks before she was born God showed me. I had a dream. Lauren was a perfect blonde haired, blued girl. I dreamed she would have pig tails in her hair one day and I also was shown that our journey was going to be tough but we were going to be okay.

On January 8th, 1999 our baby girl Lauren was born. Chris and my friend Angela Orrico were there with me. It was a very long night but Lauren Taylor Ayres came into the world screaming. We didn't get to bring her home right away because she was born with a heart defect but 21 days later she was home.

I am so darn blessed, lucky or whatever you want to call it that God chose ME to be her momma. She has profoundly changed me in ways I never knew were possible.

This is the way I remember her in my dream

Smile 360

http://h5.sml360.com/-/53dx

LISTEN UP!!!

I am sad.
Why? I just read some things that I think are NOT OK.
Listen here all of you Marines and Soldiers out there...It is NOT OK for you to abuse your wife, children or girlfriends. EVER. Do you hear me? EVER!!
Your time in combat and PTSD is not a free ticket of some sort for you to sling whatever you want verbally or physically.
Yes, the VA is failing you. However, you can get help and there are NO EXCUSES. There are non profits out there wiling to help. The Pathway Home...The Semper Fi Fund, Give an Hour, Impact A Hero, Hope for The Warriors, the list is long of people who will give you the support and help you need. Americans are sending money in for this very reason.

I am speaking to you from experience. Your loved ones want to help you. They want to love you. They want to hear about your experiences. Please stop and think about what you are doing. I don't advocate divorce and many of your loved ones are crying out for advice from women like me. They do not deserve to live like this.

The Captains Wife





***Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, intimidation, guilt, coercion, manipulation etc. Emotional abuse is any kind of abuse that is emotional rather than physical in nature. It can include anything from verbal abuse and constant criticism to more subtle tactics, such as repeated disapproval or even the refusal to ever be pleased.

Emotional abuse is like brain washing in that it systematically wears away at the victim's self-confidence, sense of self-worth, trust in their own perceptions, and self-concept. Whether it is done by constant berating and belittling, by intimidation, or under the guise of "guidance," "teaching", or "advice," the results are similar. Eventually, the recipient of the abuse loses all sense of self and remnants of personal value. Emotional abuse cuts to the very core of a person, creating scars that may be far deeper and more lasting that physical ones.***

An thought for today...

"The road that is built on hope is more pleasant to the traveler than the road built in despair, even though they both lead to the same destination"
-Marion Bradley

Which will you choose today?

THAT IS SO.....

I had a weird exchange yesterday at Walgreens. I was checking out and this guy comes in and stands behind me. He starts to talk and I'm assuming he is talking to the cashier. They exchange pleasantries and then he starts talking about how the weekend is coming to an end and people will have to go back to work. He then follows that by saying "well excluding me, I'm retarded..I mean retired"
I want to turn around and say yes mister, you are. I feel bad because I didn't say anything or have a clever comeback. 
I just don't get why adults think this is not offensive.

If you are thinking to yourself "well, I don't think it is an offensive word. I use it all the time." 
Thats because you don't have a child with Down Syndrome that has been called Retard, retarded etc. I am not easily offended. I just think that if you know I have a child with a mental disability and you continue to see nothing wrong maybe we have nothing in common. Take a moment and look at posts where they make fun of people with Down Syndrome. 
The point is if I say nothing it is taken as consent of that word or behavior. We don't say shut up in this family and we also don't use the 'N' word, and many other words that evoke pain in others. 

The man shopping had no idea that I had a child with DS so I quietly paid and moved on. He didn't mean to offend me. I was a little taken back. I don't understand adults using the word. 

That's just me and you are entitled to your opinions.

The Captains Wife

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.

Headed to DC...

I am heading to DC with the Elizabeth Dole Foundation. This is my second year to be a fellow with this organization. April  13th will mark the 10th anniversary that The Captain was wounded. It's hard to believe we are still involved with trying to make change for those coming up behind us. I am proud to be a part of this wonderful organization.

MY AWARENESS CONTINUES!

This week The Captain and I will be taking our precious LT to have surgery. It's nothing major like open heart surgery but I am still a nervous basket case because she will be put to sleep for the procedure. I would advise anyone that considers the Bone Anchored Hearing Appliance this...do not watch You Tube videos of the procedure. It does not help. This is what will be happening.  http://youtu.be/ZgH0WhjjozM

Please keep her in your prayers.
She is the strongest person I know.
The Captains Wife

• Down syndrome occurs when an individual has a full or partial extra copy of chromosome 21. This additional genetic material alters the course of development and causes the characteristics associated with Down syndrome.

• There are three types of Down syndrome: trisomy 21 (nondisjunction) accounts for 95% of cases, translocation accounts for about 4% and mosaicism accounts for about 1%.   (LT has trisomy 21)

• Down syndrome is the most commonly occurring chromosomal condition. One in every 691 babies in the United States is born with Down syndrome. (I hit the jackpot!)

• There are more than 400,000 people living with Down syndrome in the United States. (400,000 plus amazing people!) 

• Down syndrome occurs in people of all races and economic levels. (sweet)

• The incidence of births of children with Down syndrome increases with the age of the mother. But due to higher fertility rates in younger women, 80% of children with Down syndrome are born to women under 35 years of age. (I was 28 and she was my 1st born)

• People with Down syndrome have an increased risk for certain medical conditions such as congenital heart defects, respiratory and hearing problems, Alzheimer's disease, childhood leukemia, and thyroid conditions. Many of these conditions are now treatable, so most people with Down syndrome lead healthy lives. (Hey we have 4 on the list. We are still rockin)

• A few of the common physical traits of Down syndrome are low muscle tone, small stature, an upward slant to the eyes, and a single deep crease across the center of the palm. Every person with Down syndrome is a unique individual and may possess these characteristics to different degrees or not at all. (PS, They are NOT ALL HAPPY 100% of the time)

• Life expectancy for people with Down syndrome has increased dramatically in recent decades - from 25 in 1983 to 60 today. (This is awesome! I pray my LT is with me a long time)

• People with Down syndrome attend school, work, participate in decisions that affect them, and contribute to society in many wonderful ways.

• All people with Down syndrome experience cognitive delays, but the effect is usually mild to moderate and is not indicative of the many strengths and talents that each individual possesses.

• Quality educational programs, a stimulating home environment, good health care, and positive support from family, friends and the community enable people with Down syndrome to develop their full potential and lead fulfilling lives.

These are some of the facts out there. The one major fact is...THEY ARE HUMAN BEINGS. Thank you for reading!!

---

OCTOBER IS DOWN SYNDROME AWARENESS MONTH

October is Down Syndrome awareness month. Each year I share why I am truly blessed that we were chosen to the parents of our daughter, Lauren. She is 14 years old and was born with Trisomy 21. 
When I was pregnant The Captain was an active duty, enlisted Marine. We lived in southern California and she was our first child.
Early on I began to get sick and I learned I suffered from hyperemisis. I later found out this would continue with all four of my pregnancies.
At our 20 week ultrasound our lives would take a big turn. The Captain pointed out a small mark on our babies belly and within 10 min we were set to have an amniocentesis. It was a marker for either Down Syndrome or Cystic Fibrosis. The next few days were a blur for me. However, on a Friday we received a call from our doctor. Our baby was going to be born with Down Syndrome. We were asked if we wanted to know the sex. Under the circumstances we said yes. "Its a girl" Dr G proudly exclaimed. By law in California we had to be offered an option if termination. Although Dr. G didn't want us to take this route he would support us. He said "because you are now 21 weeks you only have until Monday to make the choice. I will wait to hear from you then."
I won't lie, I was devastated. I went and fell on the floor of her nursery and cried. I went through everything in my head. What had I done wrong? Why me? How could I raise a child with a disability? Would The Captain stay or leave? So many painful thoughts flowed with my tears.

The Captain allowed me about an hour alone and then the door opened. He sat in front of me and held my face in his hands. I clearly remember his words like they were just spoken to me yesterday "this is OUR BABY and you have cried enough. You are probably making her upset. We got this, together. She will be amazing and beautiful just like her momma." I knew at that moment we were going to be okay.
We had to call our family and share the news with our friends. We had a few people that were sure we couldn't do it but mostly we were surrounded by love and support.
I would spend the next few months reading everything I could and attending new parent meetings. It was hard but I knew I was making the right choice. I could already feel her moving around and we picked her name "Lauren Taylor"
The day came for her to join our family. She came into this world early and loud. I could see her features right away but she was just so stinking cute all I could do is cry.
In my mind I could hear all those people saying she would never be anything, do anything or achieve anything. The moment she was placed in my arms I knew this wouldn't be true. I would make sure of it.

She had open heart surgery at 4 months old and we were told she was going to die. 12 days later she was home and 1 month later she was crawling.

She's had 9 sets of ear tubes and she can't hear well, yet she talks, reads and sings.

At 15 months she started running. I have chased her from that moment on.

She knew the words and movements to every Barney song ever made and now she knows them all to One Direction.

She can play some on the piano. She sings like she is a rock star. She loves freely even if you have hurt her.

I could go on and on. Our society sees her and people like her as disabled, different and some even say a burden. I say she is perfect. People like her, in my opinion, are how God intended us to be. To love unconditionally and to live life without fear. She has a connection with people I have never see before. She can ease the pain of a lost life and she can make you smile even after she just went through her own pain.

Thank you Lauren for making me a better human being. I don't know how long I will have you on this Earth so I will love you and enjoy you just as you are, a normal, funny teenage girl that just wants to live life. I promise to fight for you. I promise to love you. I promise to be there for you as long as I am alive.

You are truly amazing.

Be kind to others...you never know when you will need them.

Today I felt compelled to write this. I will keep why I am posting it to myself but I would like to tell you this: Everyday God puts people in our path for a reason. That person you are hurting may be someone you need to help you in the future. That person you allowed others to treat poorly may have been someone that could have changed your life in a good way. That person you picked on, made fun of, or mocked, could have been the very person you need or will need to save you.

We are all on a journey and each of us are located on different places along that path. I know that my path has taken me down some dark alleys but I came out a better and stronger person. I have more knowledge and understanding of life and I know how blessed I am. I love helping people and God has given me the the gift, to reach out and help because I am a caretaker.  

Bad karma is defined as the set of consequences given to a person as a result of the bad choices that he or she may have made in their past. Karma is a spiritual law that in essence states that the seeds that a person sows in their life, will produce a plant later on in their life. Sowing seeds of dishonor, unfaithfulness, dishonesty, and so on, would be considered sowing seeds of bad karma. Many believe that sowing the wrong spiritual and emotional seeds, will also affect your spiritual life in a bad way over time, and will also affect you negatively in your emotional realm as well. Karma is essentially getting later on what you give in your past. I have done bad things and had it come around to me. I learned from this.

As the famous actress Sandra Bullock quoted

“ I'm a true believer in karma. You get what you give, whether it's bad or good.” This is a sentiment that many believe in and hold tightly to, living their lives by it.

I found these quotes I find enlightening too:

"Never take anyone's feelings for granted, because you'll never know next time it may be you in their shoes" Author Unknown

"No need for revenge - Just sit back and wait, those that hurt you will eventually screw up all by themselves ...and if you are lucky, God will let you watch." Author Unknown

I am not perfect. I strive today to be better that I was yesterday. I have met so many good people that have given their love, understanding and friendship when I was down. They never once kicked me or treated me bad.  

"Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them."

I pray that no one ever has to live through some of the hurt, sorrow and fear that I have lived through in my life. If you need help I am here. Even if you hurt me and treated me like the dirt you walk on I am still willing to help. I have learned that God wants me to move forward and forgive. Just remember that Karma is real.

God even says: Matthew 25:40

…39'When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' 40"The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.' 41"Then He will also say to those on His left, 'Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels;…

Be blessed. 

*Sigh*

I am so overwhelmed today. I know it will get better,  I really do. I just wish for one day the world would slow down and I could breathe and relax.

Have a wonderful day.

HAPPY WORLD DOWN SYNDROME DAY!

Today I celebrate with millions of people around the world some of the most amazing people born.
It all started one day when I found out I was pregnant with our first child. The year was 1998 and Chris had returned from his deployment. We had told our friends Linda and Lee Anna that we were expecting at a party we were attending at Linda's house. A few days later I started getting sick. I was watched close and during an ultrasound Chris found a spot on the baby.
We went in for an Amnio and the results came back "your child will have Down Syndrome"
As a mother I was devastated. Could I raise a child with special needs? Could I handle the looks in pubic? Could I really do this? I lay on the floor crying when Chris walked in and said "Can you please get up? Thats our baby in there and you are crying so she must feel it. We got this!" I knew from that moment on we would make it.

Lauren was born January 8th 1999 in California. She came out ready for the world. She had to stay 21 days in the NICU and at 4 months old we almost lost her when she had open heart surgery. She made it home in 12 days and has been taking on the world with sass, strength and love since then.

I am so very blessed and honored that I get to be her mom while she walks on this Earth. It is my belief that she is perfect just as she is and one day we will run the streets of Heaven together.
Lauren loves to sing..play piano..watch You Tube and movies..she can read and write..she loves One Direction..and more. She has so much to offer.

She has forever changed me and how I see the world.

Please join me in celebrating with the world our gifts from God.
Lauren, I love you kiddo. You are my best buggy in the whole wide world. Oh Yea!

OKAY..

First let me say I was looking at my picture and I wish I still looked like that. I don't know what happened! HA.

Today was one of those days you just want to get back in bed and pull the covers over your head. I think I have been to a record amount of doctors visits this month. I have covered teeth, ears, hearing, vomiting, fever...you name it! Tomorrow they are all going back to school YES! I can't tell you how much I love and adore my girls..they just need to get back to school.
Princess 1, our daughter with Down Syndrome, has been very entertaining these past few days. Apparently she took her One Direction stuff to school without me knowing. Ok, does anyone know where the person who told me she would never do anything wrong is located? This girl is 100% teen, drama queen! She has her music so loud it shakes the house. Then I remember I did all the same stuff when I was 14. She is just NORMAL. HA!

Apparently at bowling she has grown smitten with a teammate. I have to laugh because she told me she loves him. I wonder if it's the same love she has for Harry. Anyway, I had to tell her the entire practice to focus on the game. It's only just begun! We are just months away from having a High school freshman.

So, I am off to bed. I have a mid-term exam tomorrow. Yep, I went back to school and work to add to the craziness. The Captain is making me proud. Still chugging along in life surrounded by pure estrogen. The love of my life!!

Have a blessed day,
The Captains wife

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW

I learned in Kindergarden. Have you ever hear that saying before? Well, today I wanted so bad to tell someone I know and love that they were behaving like an ass. One thing I have learned is that in life relationships are critical to our well being and survival. I have made some wonderful friends over my lifetime. I know that I am not always where I should be in some of their lives but I hold each one of my friends very close to my heart. We are all at different points in our journey. I hope that each of you would do some self-reflecting and look outside of your own box to see you may be hurting someone with your actions. It's so easy to become a victim and forget that those you are lashing out at love you the most. I hate to see my friends hurt. I hope that one day things can change.

On a lighter note Princess 1 and I had a Down Syndrome dance party. I call it that because the music was way over the top loud. She just smiled and laughed as I held her hand and showed her my 1980's dance moves. I am so lucky to be her mother. Seriously, I can't imagine her any other way.

Sleep well...
Always,
The Captains wife

RESOURCES

Military.com

http://www.military.com/

http://www.military.com/spouse

National Resource Directory

www.nrd.gov

US Department of Veterans Affairs

http://www.va.gov/

National Center for PTSD

http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/index.asp

Veterans Mental Health Association –NY

http://www.mhaofnyc.org/advocacy/veterans-mental-health-coalition.aspx

Mental Health America

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/reunions/resources.cfm

Defense Centers of Excellence

http://www.dcoe.health.mil/

Staying Strong Initiative:

http://www.stayingstrong.org/splash

Well, I jumped right in!

Ok I have been missing a while so I wanted to update you. I am working and going back to school along with everything else in life. I just took a leap and here I am. The Captain is doing really well. The girls are amazing and princess #1 is being a teen with Down Syndrome! Life is great.

I am  now working for the wonderful non profit Hope For The Warriors. I am so excited about this opportunity because I can give back to the very community we started off in almost 9 years ago. I can't wait to see where things go. I hope you are all doing well. Be blessed and I will try and write more often.

Always,
The Captains Wife

VETERANS WAR WOUNDS...EVERYDAY HEALTH

http://www.everydayhealth.com/emotional-health/veterans-war-wounds-cut-deep-into-family.aspx#gig-comments

This is an article The Captain and I were interview for...