Our "LT"

Our "LT"

Thursday, February 2, 2012

ARE WE BETTER TOGETHER?

Well that is the burning question right now. Of course the answer is yes. The Captain and I are well invested in this relationship. We love each other. We are best friends and partners. Here's the kicker. The Captain was given an amazing opportunity to return to work last year. I am so proud of how far he has come and of how hard he has to work to get things done. The funny thing is it's nothing even close to being a Marine. He has long hair again. He wears very nice shoes and suits. He even smells really nice everyday. So whats the issue, right?

The issue is when he is home I fall apart. I sleep all the time. I have no motivation to do a damn thing. I am sad and often angry.The house is a mess and the laundry is, well close to the size of Mt Rushmore. When he is gone on his business trips I kick some serious ass. The laundry is clean and put away. The house is spotless. I can actually get up at 6:15 am and get my kids to school AND I am happy. So what gives?

The Captain called me tonight and we talked about this. He was thinking the same thing. It has been this way throughout our entire relationship. He would go away on deployments (For all you pre-war ladies and gents thats a 6 month tour on the ship) and I would have the house changed, a new car waiting for him and a steak dinner as he walked through the door. I have always done our finances. I have always just "done it". Now I am feeling really lost and sad about stuff. What is wrong with me? I have an amazing husband. I have three beautiful princesses. I am healthy and now I am eating myself to misery and wanting to end it all. (It's ok, don't run to the phone I am not going anywhere) IT'S NUTS!

I hope I am not alone in this. Or maybe I should be hoping I am alone in this so there isn't another person having to deal with feeling so crazy. I was just thinking to myself "Are we better if we stay together?"

I know I don't have a lot of people who follow or read my posts but if you are out there I am really curious on what you think. I really hope all is going well in your world. It is 4:00 am here and I am just going to stay up. I have a lot to do today.

Only Always,
The Captains Wife